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THE SPIRIT OF CONTRADICTION
THE SPIRIT OF CONTRADICTION RIVIERE DUFRESNY Lucas:
When she contradicts you like crazy--you her husband--that's
natural huh? Well maybe. But it isn't natural that she should
contradict my garden.
Townly:
Patience Lucas patience.
Lucas:
To be perfectly frank I don't like being gardener here--or anywhere
there are women. A woman in a garden causes more damage than a million
hedgehogs.
Townly:
You're right and my wife is in the wrong.
Lucas:
Everything I've planted is torn up. She's replanted all the weeds I
tore out when I was grafting. She said they're wildflowers. Then when
I planted the cabbages she said she now wants lettuces. Nothing is
done by her order that doesn't reverse something I've done. Yesterday
she half buried my prunes under melons. I believe God pardon me! that
it would be better for me to plant watermelons in the grape arbor.
Townly:
She's unreasonable but let's forget about that Lucas. Let's talk
about marrying my daughter. I need your advice about that matter.
Lucas:
I haven't got an idea in my head because I've been fighting with
Madam. That puts me in an uncultivated state--me and my garden. And
besides she's just discharged me.
Townly:
Don't worry about it. Never mind. I'll take care of you.
Lucas:
How are you going to take care of me against her--when you can't take
care of yourself? Hey! did I ever tell you that you're too easy with
her? As soon as she says yes or no you say the same.
Townly:
What do you want Lucas? I love my wife. She has no other pleasure
than to do exactly the opposite of what I want. So I provide her with
that small satisfaction.
Lucas:
You do that if that's what you like. But don't worry her humour is
too settled for it to give her any satisfaction. So much for that
sir. As to your daughter I'll be what help I can--but what do you
intend to do?
Townly:
Well you see I've got to get my wife to agree--
Lucas:
Well it's not up to me. I've tried to revive your spirit but you
won't do anything against her.
Townly:
Look you're more imagination than I do. And more sense than
philosophers--who haven't any really.
Lucas:
Wait sir. There are peasants who are sharp about acquiring money--but
my philosophy is to govern the world like a careful gardener. You for
example want to marry your daughter but you don't know to whom. But
me I've seen it all in my garden. As I tell Madam trees benefit from
the sun; plants from the shade. So you see if your daughter is ready
to benefit from marriage your wife will put her in a convent.
Townly:
You've said it exactly. If my daughter wishes to get married she'd
better not show it.
Lucas:
Madam has already tried to worm it out of me. "But Lucas" she said to
me "what do you think of this marriage?" "I think nothing Madam."
"But my daughter for her part--" "Nothing." "But my husband for his
part--" Silence. "And because they know I can't breathe when I'm
contradicted they hide it from me. But it won't work. And I have
tricks for figuring out when I'm being contradicted. It's a blind
alley." What a woman. Very well. Leave it to me to put everything
right. She's coming.
Townly:
I will wait for you in the arbor.
(Exit Townly)
Lucas:
I'd be very much put out to leave the employ of that bourgeois. His
bourgeois money shines forth more splendidly than the money of
noblemen who have a great deal more.
Mrs. Townly: (entering)
Have you just put yourself under the protection of my husband? He can
tell me to keep you but I am not going to obey him. Come quickly
give me the keys and then I will give you your wages.
Lucas: (in a whining tone)
I am very upset about losing my situation with you.
(Then roaring)
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Mrs. Townly:
You are laughing eh?
Lucas: (crying)
It overwhelms me.
(Roaring)
Ha ha ha!
Mrs. Townly:
What are you getting at?
Lucas:
Nothing nothing ha ha ha.
(Sadly)
Here Madam I am giving you the keys.
Mrs. Townly:
I know why you're laughing.
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Unpublished Work 
