FOUR SHORT PLAYS
FOUR SHORT PLAYS
PUNCH AND GO
A SATIRIC TRIFLE
HANNIBAL and EDWARD
The scene is the sitting-room and verandah of HER bungalow.
The room is pleasant and along the back where the verandah
runs it seems all window both French and casement. There is a
door right and a door left. The day is bright; the time
[HERSELF dripping wet comes running along the verandah
through the French window with a wet Scotch terrier in her
arms. She vanishes through the door left. A little pause and
LADY ELLA comes running dry thin refined and agitated. She
halts where the tracks of water cease at the door left. A
little pause and MAUD comes running fairly dry stolid
breathless and dragging a bull-dog wet breathless and stout
by the crutch end of her 'en-tout-cas'].
LADY ELLA. Don't bring Hannibal in till I know where she's put
MAUD. [Brutally to HANNIBAL] Bad dog! Bad dog!
LADY ELLA. Maud do take him out! Tie him up. Here! [She takes
out a lace handkerchief ] No--something stronger! Poor darling
Edward! [To HANNIBAL] You are a bad dog!
MAUD. Edward began it Ella. [To HANNIBAL] Bad dog! Bad dog!
LADY ELLA. Tie him up outside. Here take my scarf. Where is my
poor treasure? [She removes her scarf] Catch! His ear's torn; I
MAUD. [Taking the scarf to HANNIBAL] Now!
[She ties the scarf to his collar]
He smells horrible. Bad dog--getting into ponds to fight!
LADY ELLA. Tie him up Maud. I must try in here.
[Their husbands THE SQUIRE and THE RECTOR come hastening along
MAUD. [To THE RECTOR] Smell him Bertie! [To THE SQUIRE] You
might have that pond drained Squire!
[She takes HANNIBAL out and ties him to the verandah. THE
SQUIRE and RECTOR Come in. LADY ELLA is knocking on the door
HER VOICE. All right! I've bound him up!
LADY ELLA. May I come in?
HER VOICE. Just a second! I've got nothing on.
[LADY ELLA recoils. THE SQUIRE and RECTOR make an involuntary
movement of approach.]
LADY ELLA. Oh! There you are!
THE RECTOR. [Doubtfully] I was just going to wade in----
LADY ELLA. Hannibal would have killed him if she hadn't rushed in!
THE SQUIRE. Done him good little beast!
LADY ELLA. Why didn't you go in Tommy?
THE SQUIRE. Well I would--only she----
LADY ELLA. I can't think how she got Edward out of Hannibal's awful
MAUD. [Without--to HANNIBAL who is snuffling on the verandah and
straining at the scarf] Bad dog!
LADY ELLA. We must simply thank her tremendously! I shall never
forget the way she ran in with her skirts up to her waist!
THE SQUIRE. By Jove! No. It was topping.
LADY ELLA. Her clothes must be ruined. That pond--ugh! [She
wrinkles her nose] Tommy do have it drained.