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A MODEST PROPOSAL
A MODEST PROPOSAL JONATHAN SWIFT It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great
town or travel in the country when they see the streets the
roads and cabbin-doors crowded with beggars of the female sex
followed by three four or six children all in rags and
importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers instead of
being able to work for their honest livelihood are forced to
employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their
helpless infants who as they grow up either turn thieves for
want of work or leave their dear native country to fight for
the Pretender in Spain or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number
of children in the arms or on the backs or at the heels of
their mothers and frequently of their fathers is in the present
deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional
grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair cheap and
easy method of making these children sound and useful members of
the common-wealth would deserve so well of the publick as to
have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only
for the children of professed beggars: it is of a much greater
extent and shall take in the whole number of infants at a
certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to
support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part having turned my thoughts for many years upon
this important subject and maturely weighed the several schemes
of our projectors I have always found them grossly mistaken in
their computation. It is true a child just dropt from its dam
may be supported by her milk for a solar year with little other
nourishment: at most not above the value of two shillings which
the mother may certainly get or the value in scraps by her
lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old
that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead
of being a charge upon their parents or the parish or wanting
food and raiment for the rest of their lives they shall on the
contrary contribute to the feeding and partly to the cloathing
of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme that it
will prevent those voluntary abortions and that horrid practice
of women murdering their bastard children alas! too frequent
among us sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to
avoid the expence than the shame which would move tears and pity
in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one
million and a half of these I calculate there may be about two
hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which
number I subtract thirty thousand couple who are able to
maintain their own children (although I apprehend there cannot
be so many under the present distresses of the kingdom) but this
being granted there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand
breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who
miscarry or whose children die by accident or disease within the
year. There only remain an hundred and twenty thousand children
of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is How
this number shall be reared and provided for? which as I have
already said under the present situation of affairs is utterly
impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can
neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither
build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they
can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they arrive
at six years old; except where they are of towardly parts
although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier; during
which time they can however be properly looked upon only as
probationers: As I have been informed by a principal gentleman in
the county of Cavan who protested to me that he never knew
above one or two instances under the age of six even in a part
of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that
art.
I am assured by our merchants that a boy or a girl before twelve
years old is no saleable commodity and even when they come to
this age they will not yield above three pounds or three pounds
and half a crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to
account either to the parents or kingdom the charge of
nutriments and rags having been at least four times that value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts which I
hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance
in London that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year
old a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food whether
stewed roasted baked or boiled; and I make no doubt that it
will equally serve in a fricasie or a ragoust.
I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration that of
the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed
twenty thousand may be reserved for breed whereof only one
fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep
black cattle or swine and my reason is that these children are
seldom the fruits of marriage a circumstance not much regarded
by our savages therefore one male will be sufficient to serve
four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may at a year
old be offered in sale to the persons of quality and fortune
through the kingdom always advising the mother to let them suck
plentifully in the last month so as to render them plump and
fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an
entertainment for friends and when the family dines alone the
fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish and seasoned
with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the
fourth day especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh
12 pounds and in a solar year if tolerably nursed encreaseth
to 28 pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear and therefore very
proper for landlords who as they have already devoured most of
the parents seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year but more
plentiful in March and a little before and after; for we are
told by a grave author an eminent French physician that fish
being a prolifick dyet there are more children born in Roman
Catholick countries about nine months after Lent the markets
will be more glutted than usual because the number of Popish
infants is at least three to one in this kingdom and therefore
it will have one other collateral advantage by lessening the
number of Papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child
(in which list I reckon all cottagers labourers and four-fifths
of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum rags
included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten
shillings for the carcass of a good fat child which as I have
said will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat when he
hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with
him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord and grow
popular among his tenants the mother will have eight shillings
neat profit and be fit for work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require)
may flea the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed
will make admirable gloves for ladies and summer boots for fine
gentlemen.
As to our City of Dublin shambles may be appointed for this
purpose in the most convenient parts of it and butchers we may
be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend
buying the children alive and dressing them hot from the knife
as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person a true lover of his country and whose
virtues I highly esteem was lately pleased in discoursing on
this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that
many gentlemen of this kingdom having of late destroyed their
deer he conceived that the want of venison might be well
supply'd by the bodies of young lads and maidens not exceeding
fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of
both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of
work and service: And these to be disposed of by their parents if
alive or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due
deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot I
cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males my
American acquaintance assured me from frequent experience that
their flesh was generally tough and lean like that of our
school-boys by continual exercise and their taste disagreeable
and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the
females it would I think with humble submission be a loss to
the publick because they soon would become breeders themselves:
And besides it is not improbable that some scrupulous people
might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very
unjustly) as a little bordering upon cruelty which I confess
hath always been with me the strongest objection against any
project how well soever intended.
But in order to justify my friend he confessed that this
expedient was put into his head by the famous Salmanaazor a
native of the island Formosa who came from thence to London
above twenty years ago and in conversation told my friend that
in his country when any young person happened to be put to
death the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as
a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl
of fifteen who was crucified for an attempt to poison the
Emperor was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of
state and other great mandarins of the court in joints from the
gibbet at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny that
if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this
town who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir
abroad without a chair and appear at a play-house and assemblies
in foreign fineries which they never will pay for; the kingdom
would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about
that vast number of poor people who are aged diseased or
maimed; and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course
may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an incumbrance.
But I am not in the least pain upon that matter because it is
very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by
cold and famine and filth and vermin as fast as can be
reasonably expected. And as to the young labourers they are now
in almost as hopeful a condition. They cannot get work and
consequently pine away from want of nourishment to a degree
that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labour
they have not strength to perform it and thus the country and
themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed and therefore shall return to my
subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made
are obvious and many as well as of the highest importance.
For first as I have already observed it would greatly lessen
the number of Papists with whom we are yearly over-run being
the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most
dangerous enemies and who stay at home on purpose with a design
to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender hoping to take their
advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants who have
chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay
tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly The poorer tenants will have something valuable of
their own which by law may be made liable to a distress and
help to pay their landlord's rent their corn and cattle being
already seized and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly Whereas the maintainance of an hundred thousand
children from two years old and upwards cannot be computed at
less than ten shillings a piece per annum the nation's stock
will be thereby encreased fifty thousand pounds per annum
besides the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all
gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in
taste. And the money will circulate among our selves the goods
being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly The constant breeders besides the gain of eight
shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children will
be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
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