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JOSEPH ANDREWS - VOL. 2
JOSEPH ANDREWS - VOL. 2 HENRY FIELDING EDITED BY GEORGE SAINTSBURY
IN TWELVE VOLUMES
VOL. II.
JOSEPH ANDREWS
VOL. II.
CONTENTS
BOOK II.--continued.
CHAPTER XIV.
_An interview between parson Adams and parson Trulliber._
CHAPTER XV.
_An adventure the consequence of a new instance which parson Adams
gave of his forgetfulness._
CHAPTER XVI.
_A very curious adventure in which Mr Adams gave a much greater
instance of the honest simplicity of his heart than of his experience
in the ways of this world._
CHAPTER XVII.
_A dialogue between Mr Abraham Adams and his host which by the
disagreement in their opinions seemed to threaten an unlucky
catastrophe had it not been timely prevented by the return of
the lovers._
BOOK III.
CHAPTER I.
_Matter prefatory in praise of biography._
CHAPTER II.
_A night scene wherein several wonderful adventures befel Adams and
his fellow-travellers._
CHAPTER III.
_In which the gentleman relates the history of his life._
CHAPTER IV.
_A description of Mr Wilson's way of living. The tragical adventure
of the dog and other grave matters._
CHAPTER V.
_A disputation on schools held on the road between Mr Abraham Adams
and Joseph; and a discovery not unwelcome to them both._
CHAPTER VI.
_Moral reflections by Joseph Andrews; with the hunting adventure and
parson Adams's miraculous escape._
CHAPTER VII.
_A scene of roasting very nicely adapted to the present taste and
times._
CHAPTER VIII.
_Which some readers will think too short and others too long._
CHAPTER IX.
_Containing as surprizing and bloody adventures as can be found in
this or perhaps any other authentic history._
CHAPTER X.
_A discourse between the poet and the player; of no other use in this
history but to divert the reader._
CHAPTER XI.
_Containing the exhortations of parson Adams to his friend in
affliction; calculated for the instruction and improvement of the
reader._
CHAPTER XII.
_More adventures which we hope will as much please as surprize
the reader._
CHAPTER XIII.
_A curious dialogue which passed between Mr Abraham Adams and Mr
Peter Pounce better worth reading than all the works of Colley
Cibber and many others._
BOOK IV.
CHAPTER I.
_The arrival of Lady Booby and the rest at Booby-hall._
CHAPTER II.
_A dialogue between Mr Abraham Adams and the Lady Booby._
CHAPTER III.
_What passed between the lady and lawyer Scout._
CHAPTER IV.
_A short chapter but very full of matter; particularly the arrival
of Mr Booby and his lady._
CHAPTER V.
_Containing justice business; curious precedents of depositions and
other matters necessary to be perused by all justices of the peace
and their clerks._
CHAPTER VI.
_Of which you are desired to read no more than you like._
CHAPTER VII.
_Philosophical reflections the like not to be found in any light
French romance. Mr Booby's grave advice to Joseph and Fanny's
encounter with a beau._
CHAPTER VIII.
_A discourse which happened between Mr Adams Mrs Adams Joseph and
Fanny with some behaviour of Mr Adams which will be called by some
few readers very low absurd and unnatural._
CHAPTER IX
_A visit which the polite Lady Booby and her polite friend paid to
the parson._
CHAPTER X.
_The history of two friends which may afford an useful lesson to
all those persons who happen to take up their residence in married
families._
CHAPTER XI.
_In which the history is continued._
CHAPTER XII.
_Where the good-natured reader will see something which will give
him no great pleasure._
CHAPTER XIII
_The history returning to the Lady Booby gives some account of the
terrible conflict in her breast between love and pride with what
happened on the present discovery._
CHAPTER XIV.
_Containing several curious night-adventures in which Mr Adams fell
into many hair-breadth scapes partly owing to his goodness and
partly to his inadvertency._
CHAPTER XV.
_The arrival of Gaffar and Gammar Andrews with another person not
much expected and a perfect solution of the difficulties raised by
the pedlar._
CHAPTER XVI.
_Being the last. In which this true history is brought to a happy
conclusion._
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
MR WILSON RELATES HIS HISTORY
PARSON ADAMS
HE RAN TOWARDS HER
BOOK II.--continued.
CHAPTER XIV.
_An interview between parson Adams and parson Trulliber._
Parson Adams came to the house of parson Trulliber whom he found
stript into his waistcoat with an apron on and a pail in his hand
just come from serving his hogs; for Mr Trulliber was a parson on
Sundays but all the other six might more properly be called a farmer.
He occupied a small piece of land of his own besides which he rented a
considerable deal more. His wife milked his cows managed his dairy
and followed the markets with butter and eggs. The hogs fell chiefly to
his care which he carefully waited on at home and attended to fairs;
on which occasion he was liable to many jokes his own size being with
much ale rendered little inferior to that of the beasts he sold. He
was indeed one of the largest men you should see and could have acted
the part of Sir John Falstaff without stuffing. Add to this that the
rotundity of his belly was considerably increased by the shortness of
his stature his shadow ascending very near as far in height when he
lay on his back as when he stood on his legs. His voice was loud and
hoarse and his accents extremely broad. To complete the whole he had
a stateliness in his gait when he walked not unlike that of a goose
only he stalked slower.
Mr Trulliber being informed that somebody wanted to speak with him
immediately slipt off his apron and clothed himself in an old
night-gown being the dress in which he always saw his company at home.
His wife who informed him of Mr Adams's arrival had made a small
mistake; for she had told her husband "She believed there was a man
come for some of his hogs." This supposition made Mr Trulliber hasten
with the utmost expedition to attend his guest. He no sooner saw Adams
than not in the least doubting the cause of his errand to be what his
wife had imagined he told him "He was come in very good time; that he
expected a dealer that very afternoon;" and added "they were all pure
and fat and upwards of twenty score a-piece." Adams answered "He
believed he did not know him." "Yes yes" cried Trulliber "I have seen
you often at fair; why we have dealt before now mun I warrant you.
Yes yes" cries he "I remember thy face very well but won't mention a
word more till you have seen them though I have never sold thee a
flitch of such bacon as is now in the stye." Upon which he laid violent
hands on Adams and dragged him into the hog-stye which was indeed but
two steps from his parlour window. They were no sooner arrived there
than he cry'd out "Do but handle them! step in friend! art welcome to
handle them whether dost buy or no." At which words opening the gate
he pushed Adams into the pig-stye insisting on it that he should handle
them before he would talk one word with him.
Adams whose natural complacence was beyond any artificial was obliged
to comply before he was suffered to explain himself; and laying hold on
one of their tails the unruly beast gave such a sudden spring that he
threw poor Adams all along in the mire. Trulliber instead of assisting
him to get up burst into a laughter and entering the stye said to
Adams with some contempt "Why dost not know how to handle a hog?" and
was going to lay hold of one himself but Adams who thought he had
carried his complacence far enough was no sooner on his legs than he
escaped out of the reach of the animals and cried out "_Nihil habeo
cum porcis_: I am a clergyman sir and am not come to buy hogs."
Trulliber answered "He was sorry for the mistake but that he must
blame his wife" adding "she was a fool and always committed
blunders." He then desired him to walk in and clean himself that he
would only fasten up the stye and follow him. Adams desired leave to dry
his greatcoat wig and hat by the fire which Trulliber granted. Mrs
Trulliber would have brought him a basin of water to wash his face but
her husband bid her be quiet like a fool as she was or she would commit
more blunders and then directed Adams to the pump. While Adams was thus
employed Trulliber conceiving no great respect for the appearance of
his guest fastened the parlour door and now conducted him into the
kitchen telling him he believed a cup of drink would do him no harm
and whispered his wife to draw a little of the worst ale. After a short
silence Adams said "I fancy sir you already perceive me to be a
clergyman."--"Ay ay" cries Trulliber grinning "I perceive you have
some cassock; I will not venture to caale it a whole one." Adams
answered "It was indeed none of the best but he had the misfortune to
tear it about ten years ago in passing over a stile." Mrs Trulliber
returning with the drink told her husband "She fancied the gentleman
was a traveller and that he would be glad to eat a bit." Trulliber bid
her hold her impertinent tongue and asked her "If parsons used to
travel without horses?" adding "he supposed the gentleman had none by
his having no boots on."--"Yes sir yes" says Adams; "I have a horse
but I have left him behind me."--"I am glad to hear you have one" says
Trulliber; "for I assure you I don't love to see clergymen on foot; it
is not seemly nor suiting the dignity of the cloth." Here Trulliber made
a long oration on the dignity of the cloth (or rather gown) not much
worth relating till his wife had spread the table and set a mess of
porridge on it for his breakfast. He then said to Adams "I don't know
friend how you came to caale on me; however as you are here if you
think proper to eat a morsel you may." Adams accepted the invitation
and the two parsons sat down together; Mrs Trulliber waiting behind her
husband's chair as was it seems her custom. Trulliber eat heartily
but scarce put anything in his mouth without finding fault with his
wife's cookery. All which the poor woman bore patiently. Indeed she was
so absolute an admirer of her husband's greatness and importance of
which she had frequent hints from his own mouth that she almost carried
her adoration to an opinion of his infallibility. To say the truth the
parson had exercised her more ways than one; and the pious woman had so
well edified by her husband's sermons that she had resolved to receive
the bad things of this world together with the good. She had indeed been
at first a little contentious; but he had long since got the better;
partly by her love for this partly by her fear of that partly by her
religion partly by the respect he paid himself and partly by that
which he received from the parish. She had in short absolutely
submitted and now worshipped her husband as Sarah did Abraham calling
him (not lord but) master. Whilst they were at table her husband gave
her a fresh example of his greatness; for as she had just delivered a
cup of ale to Adams he snatched it out of his hand and crying out "I
caal'd vurst" swallowed down the ale. Adams denied it; it was referred
to the wife who though her conscience was on the side of Adams durst
not give it against her husband; upon which he said "No sir no; I
should not have been so rude to have taken it from you if you had caal'd
vurst but I'd have you know I'm a better man than to suffer the best he
in the kingdom to drink before me in my own house when I caale vurst."
As soon as their breakfast was ended Adams began in the following
manner: "I think sir it is high time to inform you of the business of
my embassy. I am a traveller and am passing this way in company with
two young people a lad and a damsel my parishioners towards my own
cure; we stopt at a house of hospitality in the parish where they
directed me to you as having the cure."--"Though I am but a curate"
says Trulliber "I believe I am as warm as the vicar himself or perhaps
the rector of the next parish too; I believe I could buy them
both."--"Sir" cries Adams "I rejoice thereat. Now sir my business
is that we are by various accidents stript of our money and are not
able to pay our reckoning being seven shillings. I therefore request
you to assist me with the loan of those seven shillings and also seven
shillings more which peradventure I shall return to you; but if not
I am convinced you will joyfully embrace such an opportunity of laying
up a treasure in a better place than any this world affords."
Suppose a stranger who entered the chambers of a lawyer being imagined
a client when the lawyer was preparing his palm for the fee should
pull out a writ against him. Suppose an apothecary at the door of a
chariot containing some great doctor of eminent skill should instead
of directions to a patient present him with a potion for himself.
Suppose a minister should instead of a good round sum treat my lord
---- or sir ---- or esq. ---- with a good broomstick. Suppose a civil
companion or a led captain should instead of virtue and honour and
beauty and parts and admiration thunder vice and infamy and
ugliness and folly and contempt in his patron's ears. Suppose when a
tradesman first carries in his bill the man of fashion should pay it;
or suppose if he did so the tradesman should abate what he had
overcharged on the supposition of waiting. In short--suppose what you
will you never can nor will suppose anything equal to the astonishment
which seized on Trulliber as soon as Adams had ended his speech. A
while he rolled his eyes in silence; sometimes surveying Adams then his
wife; then casting them on the ground then lifting them up to heaven.
At last he burst forth in the following accents: "Sir I believe I know
where to lay up my little treasure as well as another. I thank G-- if I
am not so warm as some I am content; that is a blessing greater than
riches; and he to whom that is given need ask no more. To be content
with a little is greater than to possess the world; which a man may
possess without being so. Lay up my treasure! what matters where a man's
treasure is whose heart is in the Scriptures? there is the treasure of a
Christian." At these words the water ran from Adams's eyes; and
catching Trulliber by the hand in a rapture "Brother" says he
"heavens bless the accident by which I came to see you! I would have
walked many a mile to have communed with you; and believe me I will
shortly pay you a second visit; but my friends I fancy by this time
wonder at my stay; so let me have the money immediately." Trulliber then
put on a stern look and cried out "Thou dost not intend to rob me?" At
which the wife bursting into tears fell on her knees and roared out
"O dear sir! for Heaven's sake don't rob my master; we are but poor
people." "Get up for a fool as thou art and go about thy business"
said Trulliber; "dost think the man will venture his life? he is a
beggar and no robber." "Very true indeed" answered Adams. "I wish
with all my heart the tithing-man was here" cries Trulliber; "I would
have thee punished as a vagabond for thy impudence. Fourteen shillings
indeed! I won't give thee a farthing. I believe thou art no more a
clergyman than the woman there" (pointing to his wife); "but if thou
art dost deserve to have thy gown stript over thy shoulders for running
about the country in such a manner." "I forgive your suspicions" says
Adams; "but suppose I am not a clergyman I am nevertheless thy brother;
and thou as a Christian much more as a clergyman art obliged to
relieve my distress." "Dost preach to me?" replied Trulliber; "dost
pretend to instruct me in my duty?" "Ifacks a good story" cries Mrs
Trulliber "to preach to my master." "Silence woman" cries Trulliber.
"I would have thee know friend" (addressing himself to Adams) "I shall
not learn my duty from such as thee. I know what charity is better than
to give to vagabonds." "Besides if we were inclined the poor's rate
obliges us to give so much charity" cries the wife. "Pugh! thou art a
fool. Poor's reate! Hold thy nonsense" answered Trulliber; and then
turning to Adams he told him "he would give him nothing." "I am
sorry" answered Adams "that you do know what charity is since you
practise it no better: I must tell you if you trust to your knowledge
for your justification you will find yourself deceived though you
should add faith to it without good works." "Fellow" cries Trulliber
"dost thou speak against faith in my house? Get out of my doors: I will
no longer remain under the same roof with a wretch who speaks wantonly
of faith and the Scriptures." "Name not the Scriptures" says Adams.
"How! not name the Scriptures! Do you disbelieve the Scriptures?" cries
Trulliber. "No; but you do" answered Adams "if I may reason from your
practice; for their commands are so explicit and their rewards and
punishments so immense that it is impossible a man should stedfastly
believe without obeying. Now there is no command more express no duty
more frequently enjoined than charity. Whoever therefore is void of
charity I make no scruple of pronouncing that he is no Christian." "I
would not advise thee" says Trulliber "to say that I am no Christian:
I won't take it of you; for I believe I am as good a man as thyself"
(and indeed though he was now rather too corpulent for athletic
exercises he had in his youth been one of the best boxers and
cudgel-players in the county). His wife seeing him clench his fist
interposed and begged him not to fight but show himself a true
Christian and take the law of him. As nothing could provoke Adams to
strike but an absolute assault on himself or his friend he smiled at
the angry look and gestures of Trulliber; and telling him he was sorry
to see such men in orders departed without further ceremony.
CHAPTER XV.
_An adventure the consequence of a new instance which parson Adams gave
of his forgetfulness._
When he came back to the inn he found Joseph and Fanny sitting together.
They were so far from thinking his absence long as he had feared they
would that they never once missed or thought of him. Indeed I have
been often assured by both that they spent these hours in a most
delightful conversation; but as I never could prevail on either to
relate it so I cannot communicate it to the reader.
Adams acquainted the lovers with the ill success of his enterprize. They
were all greatly confounded none being able to propose any method of
departing till Joseph at last advised calling in the hostess and
desiring her to trust them; which Fanny said she despaired of her doing
as she was one of the sourest-faced women she had ever beheld.
But she was agreeably disappointed; for the hostess was no sooner asked
the question than she readily agreed; and with a curtsy and smile
wished them a good journey. However lest Fanny's skill in physiognomy
should be called in question we will venture to assign one reason
which might probably incline her to this confidence and good-humour.
When Adams said he was going to visit his brother he had unwittingly
imposed on Joseph and Fanny who both believed he had meant his natural
brother and not his brother in divinity and had so informed the
hostess on her enquiry after him. Now Mr Trulliber had by his
professions of piety by his gravity austerity reserve and the
opinion of his great wealth so great an authority in his parish that
they all lived in the utmost fear and apprehension of him. It was
therefore no wonder that the hostess who knew it was in his option
whether she should ever sell another mug of drink did not dare to
affront his supposed brother by denying him credit.
They were now just on their departure when Adams recollected he had left
his greatcoat and hat at Mr Trulliber's. As he was not desirous of
renewing his visit the hostess herself having no servant at home
offered to fetch it.
This was an unfortunate expedient; for the hostess was soon undeceived
in the opinion she had entertained of Adams whom Trulliber abused in
the grossest terms especially when he heard he had had the assurance to
pretend to be his near relation.
At her return therefore she entirely changed her note. She said
"Folks might be ashamed of travelling about and pretending to be what
they were not. That taxes were high and for her part she was obliged to
pay for what she had; she could not therefore possibly nor would she
trust anybody; no not her own father. That money was never scarcer and
she wanted to make up a sum. That she expected therefore they should
pay their reckoning before they left the house."
Adams was now greatly perplexed; but as he knew that he could easily
have borrowed such a sum in his own parish and as he knew he would have
lent it himself to any mortal in distress so he took fresh courage and
sallied out all round the parish but to no purpose; he returned as
pennyless as he went groaning and lamenting that it was possible in a
country professing Christianity for a wretch to starve in the midst of
his fellow-creatures who abounded.
Whilst he was gone the hostess who stayed as a sort of guard with
Joseph and Fanny entertained them with the goodness of parson
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